Dedicated to my son, who is everything to me.

So today has only just begun, seeing as it's almost 11am, but I've had a bit of an epiphany I'd like to share with the world.

My son entered our room this morning whining and wanting to be paid attention to around 6 this morning which is about an hour or so before he usually wakes me up. A little annoyed, I got up with him and turned on The Land Before Time while I got him a glass of milk and we cuddled up on the couch. He felt like he had a fever of some sort and was a bit sweaty. This came as no surprise, since his allergies have acted up a bit over the last week and he's been teething pretty intensely which sometimes causes a fever.

Fast-forward to about 8:15, where we have already taken Alex into work for the day and came back home (we only have one car, so it's common for us to drive each other to work.) I was in the process of making breakfast for my little man and myself when he comes into the kitchen slowly (VERY uncommon) and is rubbing his tummy, crying. Requesting me to pick him up, I kept insisting he grab his stool if he wanted to see what I was cooking. (Being a two year old, he often likes to be helpful and asks a LOT of questions about everything.) I finally look down at him while he's grabbing at my leg and see he's almost purple-faced and gagging. I immediately start patting his back, knowing full well I didn't give him anything to eat yet.

As it turned out, he was gagging because he was sick to his stomach. He vomitted all over the kitchen, himself, and my legs. Less than impressed, but feeling terribly for my son, I clean myself, my son and the kitchen up. Afterwards, I went and sat on the couch with him laying on top of me while we watched Diego.

I realized then how much I've missed him being VERY little. We used to cuddle like this all the time and while I know he's growing up and will continue to do so the rest of his life, I still can't help feeling a little sentimental when I reflect back on it.

Then I felt so selfish and disgusted with myself.

I've been spending the last few months excited about planning a wedding and paying off my credit cards that I've all but pushed to the farthest corners of my mind that my son is all that matters to me in the end. Period. He IS my everything and the ONLY thing that will ever matter to me no matter what happens in my life.

Don't get me wrong: I love Alex dearly. He is my soul mate, my partner, to say the least. Along with this, it is simply put that Landon is my heart. People can live without their soul. Hell, there are soulless people living all over the world. While it's not a preferable way to live, it can be done. But NOBODY can live without their heart. What would I do if something were ever to happen to him?? God in heaven FORBID anything ever happen to him, but I can simply say I don't know if I would be around long enough afterward to find out if it's possible to live without a heart.

It might sound tacky and silly, but sometimes these kinds of things need to be said. I have to remind myself constantly that while I am a bride-to-be, I am FIRST and foremost Landon's mother; the only mother he will ever have. Nothing could ever be more important to me than he is. While this whole wedding and celebrating Alex becoming my husband and myself becoming his wife is exciting and easy to get caught up in, I am ashamed to say that I had almost forgotten myself. Landon will only be two years old once, and it really is a fun age because he's excited by EVERYTHING and wants to learn.

I can't wait to see what kind of person he grows in to! I know for sure he will have Alex's intelligence and my drive to get things done. Nothing can be more exciting than imagining all the things he's going to be capable of doing as an adult.

I love you more than anything Landon and I cannot say how privileged I am to be your mommy!! =) You are my greatest gift and joy when all is said and done. You are amazing, my love!!